sayosays

The top Marketing Director of Nescafe manages to arrange a meeting with the Pope at the Vatican. After receiving the Papal blessing, the Nescafe official whispers, 'Your Eminence, I have some business to discuss. We at Nescafe have an offer for you. Nescafe is prepared to donate $100 million to the church. If you change the Lord's Prayer from 'give us this day our daily bread' to 'give us this day our daily coffee' The Pope looks outraged and thunders, "That is impossible. The Prayer is the word of the Lord, It must not be changed. " Well," says the Nescafe man somewhat chastened, "We anticipated your reluctance. For this reason, and the importance of the Lord's Pr

MEN: 1. Most men are extremely busy. 2. Although they are so busy, they still have time for women. 3. Although they have time for women, they don't really care for them. 4. Although they don't really care for them, they always have one around. 5. Although they always have one around them, they always try their luck with others. WOMEN: 1. The most important thing for most women is financial security. 2. Although this is so important, they still go out and buy expensive clothes and stuff. 3. Although they always buy expensive clothes, they never have something to wear. 4. Although they never have something to wear, they always dress beautifully. 5. Although they always dress beautifully, their clothes are always just "an old rag". 6. Although their clothes are alwa

Wife and Girlfriend Wife is like a TV, Girlfriend is like a MOBILE. At home u watch TV, But when u go out u take ur MOBILE. No money, u sell the TV, Got money u change ur MOBILE. Sometimes u enjoy TV, But most of the time u play with ur MOBILE. TV is free for life, But for the MOBILE, if you don't pay, the services will be terminated. TV is big, bulky and most of the time old, But the MOBILE is cute, slim, curvy and very portable. Operational costs for TV is often acceptable, But for the MOBILE it is often high and demanding. TV has a remote, MOBILE doesn't. Most importantly, MOBILE is a two-way communication (u talk and listen), But with the TV you MUST only listen (whether you want to or not). Last but not least .. TVs don't have viruses, But MOBILEs often do!

A  lion woke up one morning feeling really rowdy and mean. He went out and cornered a small monkey and roared, "W ho is mightiest of all jungle animals?" The trembling monkey says, "You are, mighty lion." Later, the lion confronts a ox and fiercely bellows, "Who is the mightiest of all jungle animals?"

Our Birth is our Opening Balance Our Death is our Closing Balance Our Prejudiced Views are our Liabilities Our Creative Ideas are our Assets

A three-year-old walked up to a pregnant lady while waiting with his mother in the doctors office. He inquisitively asked the lady, "Why is your stomach so big?" She replied, "I'm having a baby." With big eyes, he asked, "Is the baby in your stomach?" She answered, "He sure is." Then the little boy, with a puzzled look, asked, "Is it a good baby?" She said, "Oh, yes. It's a real good baby." With an even more surprised and shocked look, he asked, "Then why did you eat him?!!!!"

A man was SICK and TIRED of going to work every day while his wife stayed home. And further jealous of her, as she received lot of Women's Day wishes and compliments He wanted her to see what he went through so he prayed: "Dear Lord: I go to work every day and put in 8 hours while my wife merely stays at home. I want her to know what I go through . So, please allow her body to switch with mine for a day. Amen!" Poof!!! God, in his infinite wisdom, granted the man's wish. The next morning, sure enough, the man awoke as a woman . He arose,

    A little boy went to a Telephone booth which was at the cash counter of a store & dialed a number. The store-Owner observed and listened to the  Conversation: Boy: "Lady, Can you give me the job of cutting your lawn? Woman: (at the other end of the phone line) "I  already have someone to cut my lawn." Boy: "Lady, I will cut your lawn for half the price than   the person who cuts your lawn now." Woman: I'm very satisfied with the person who is  presently cutting my lawn. Boy: (with more perseverance) "Lady, I'll even sweep the floor & the stairs of your house for free. Woman: No, thank you.  With a smile on his face, the little  boy end call with thank you.  The Store-owner, who was listening to all this,  walked over to the boy.  Store Owner: "Son...I like your attitude; I like that positive spirit & would like to offer you a job." Boy: "No thanks, Store Owner:  But you were really

Now that you're out of my life, I'm so much better You thought that I'd be weak without you, but I'm stronger You thought that I'd be broke without you, but I'm richer You thought that I'd be sad without you, I laugh harder You thought I wouldn't grow without you, now I'm wiser Though that I'd be helpless without you, but I'm smarter You thought that I'd be stressed without you, but I'm chillin' You thought I wouldn't sell without you, sold nine million I'm a survivor I'm not gon' give up I'm not gon' stop I'm gon' work harder I'm a survivor I'm gonna make it I will survive Keep on survivin' I'm a survivor I'm not gon' give up I'm not gon' stop I'm gon work harder I'm a survivor I'm gonna make it I will survive Keep on survivin' Thought I couldn't breathe without, I'm inhaling You thought I couldn't see without y

when i am down and oh my soul so weary...no i aint gonna sing the song!!So many always ask why i always seem excited and excited about life..like am never stressed.So today i give a few tips to looking happy always,even when things are not right.Well for starters i dont get mad at small things,i dont let small things get to me.I only get mad at major things ,the rest i let them pass. Be warned though: i have the tendency to keep a record of wrongs and as those small things keep piling one day ntakulipukia utashangaa!!!hehe when i find myself in shit sorry in situations i never anticipated unlike most people who panic i relax and think of a way out. theres no need panicking ati ooh what will i do now my life is over blabla relax and think if possible pray and God(yeah i believe in Him and we are very tight infact) will send an Angel to Help. In life i always look for the funny side of everything. This has led some to label me a joker..which is not a bad title depending on how you l

NOTE: This application will be considered incomplete and will be rejected unless accompanied by a complete financial statement, job history, family lineage, and current medical report from your doctor. SECTION A: NAME_____________________________________ DATE OF BIRTH_____________ HEIGHT___________ WEIGHT____________ IQ__________ GPA_____________ PIN NUMBER ______________________ DRIVERS LICENSE No._______________ BOYS SCOUT RANK AND BADGES ___________________________________________ HOME PHYSICAL __________________________ POSTAL ADDRESS__________________ CITY/STATE_______________________ COUNTRY ____________________ZIP_______ Do you have parents? ___Yes ___No Are your parents alive? ___Yes ___No Is one male and the other female? ___Yes ___No If No, explain:___________________________________________________________ How long have your parents been married _______________________ If they have been married for duration less than your age, explain ________

John went to visit his 90 year old grandfather in a very secluded, rural area of Georgia. After spending a great evening chatting the night away, John's grandfather prepared breakfast of bacon, eggs and toast. However, John noticed a film like substance on his plate, and questioned his grandfather asking, "Are these plates clean?" His grandfather replied, "They're as clean as cold water can get them. Just you go ahead and finish your meal, Sonny!" For lunch the old man made hamburgers. Again, John was concerned about the plates as his appeared to have tiny specks around the edge that looked like dried egg and asked, "Are you sure these plates are clean?" Without looking up the old man said, "I told you before, Sonny, those dishes are as clean as cold water can get them. Now don't you fret, I don't want to hear another word about it!" Later that afternoon, John was on his way to a nearby town and as he was leaving, hi

"The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility." As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5- year phase-in plan that would become known as "Euro-English". In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c".. Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard "c" will be dropped in favour of "k". This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter. There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with "f".. This will make words like fotograf 20% shorter. In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible

In the hospital the relatives gathered in the waiting room, where their family member lay gravely ill. Finally, the doctor came in looking tired and sombre. "I'm afraid I'm the bearer of bad news," he said as he surveyed the worried faces "The only hope left for your loved one at this time is a brain transplant. It's an experimental procedure, very risky but it is the only hope. Insurance will cover the procedure, but you will have to pay for the brain yourselves." The family members sat silently as they absorbed the news. After a great length of time, someone asked, "Well, how much does a brain cost?" The doctor quickly responded, "Ksh5,000 for a male brain, and Ksh200 for a female brain..." The moment turned awkward. Men in the room tried not to smile, avoiding eye contact with the women, but some actually smirked. A man unable to control his curiosity, blurted out the question everyone wanted to ask, "Why is the male

Hi Boss, ave discovered that.... People who do lots of work... make lots of mistakes People who do less work... make less mistakes People who do no work... make no mistakes People who make no mistakes... get promoted That's why I spend most of my time blogging,facebooking,sending e-mails & playing games at work I need a promotion !!!!!

LAW OF QUEUE: If you change queues, the one you have left will start to move faster than the one you are in now. LAW OF TELEPHONE: When you dial a wrong number, you never get an engaged one. LAW OF MECHANICAL REPAIR: After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch. LAW OF THE WORKSHOP Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner. LAW OF THE ALIBI: If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the next morning you will have a flat tire. BATH THEOREM: When the body is immersed in water, the telephone rings. LAW OF ENCOUNTERS: The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone you don’t want to be seen with. LAW OF THE RESULT: When you try to prove to someone that a machine won’t work, it will! LAW OF BIOMECHANICS: The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach. LAW OF COFFEE: As soon as you sit down for a cup of hot co

WHAT HAPPENS IN HEAVEN WHEN WE PRAY? The writer dreamt and wrote it down. This is nice and it is so true : I dreamt that I went to Heaven and an angel was showing me around. We walked side-by-side inside a large workroom filled with angels. My angel guide stopped in front of the first section and said, ' This is the Receiving Section. Here, all petitions to God said in prayer are received. I looked around in this area, and it was terribly busy with so many angels sorting out petitions written on voluminous paper sheets and scraps from people all over the world. Then we moved on down a long corridor until we reached the second section. The angel then said to me, "This is the Packaging and Delivery Section. Here, the graces and blessings the people asked for are processed and delivered to the living persons who asked for them." I noticed again how busy it was there. There were many angels working hard at that station, since so many blessings had been reques

Being lost in thought, thinking about things to do, what's been done, what could have been done... Is not only tiring but also a brilliant way to waste energy. It diminishes your peacefulness and clouds your clarity. Every time you become lost in thought it means exactly that - you are lost! To find yourself, allow your mind to become quiet, to become utterly tranquil. In the quiet depths of every being, there is a stillness that contains a deep inner peace and wisdom that can guide you in your life.

wont say much but to survive in groupos you got to have lots of patience and be able to cope with different opersonalities all of which are importANT FOR THE SUCCESS OF THE GROUP!! THATS ALL AL SAY FOR TODAY

still trying to get what this years big brother is upto!ave had enough of the immorality tho" and would like to see this show end as soon as possible.....it may be rated 18 bt the kind of stuff viewers are seeing on their screen is just too nmuch garbage..and someone tell sheila the cool stunts she is trying to pull eg kissing chics,smoking and cursing just aint cool at all!...in my opinion she is the strongest female contestant in the house but viewers just cant seem to stand these mannerisms...and what was that she said about the constitution?please whoever goes to pick her up at the airport tell this lass we passed the constitution last month and not last week!!!!and who still calls herself kwambox?! that so shao!

Everyday presents with it new opportunities and experiences to encounter. And this was the case for the over 50 new Digital Opportunity  Trust (DOT)interns when they set out to travel all the way to Sagana  105 km East of Nairobi for a two week training program.The interns are made up of young people of different ethnic backgrounds and thus present a cultural as well as a social extravaganza. They were selected from over 1000 applicants to represent the seven provinces. This meant spending long hours on the road and it wasn’t until the third day that all the expected interns had arrived.The physical exhaustion was soon washed away by the architectural beauty of the compound .From the vegetation, comfortable rooms to a finger-licking balance diet it is just what the interns needed to make their training period as interesting . The fun during training is further enhanced by the DOT facilitators all of whom are very knowledgeable and are more than willing to deliver the knowledge to the e

Life is fun.Each day you get to experience new things and new people. New people present new opportunities for you to learn more.The way you relate to these people will help bring out the best or worst in you. Coming to sagana for instance has helped us meet different peo[ple.  Anwar is a lovely chap,always seeking to solve the group problems. Philip on the other hand is an introvert but  if you hang around him long enough you discover he has a sense of humor. There is Liza,whos crazy but in a funny way. Its only day two  yet she has a nickname for almost everyone  eg moodswings,psycho,furafura,fashion police etc. There is christine ,liza's top accomplice who cant stop whining about this or that. Those are some of the characters i have met here.Am glad coz despite our different personalities and backgrounds we are able to relate well and bring out the best in us.