sayosays

Off my Chest: Hope n Joy

When the Software industry had badly gone down, three giants Sun, SCO(UNIX)and Microsoft started producing condoms and named them Java-condo, CondomiX, and MS-Condom respectively. A customer using Java-condo complained to Sun that the condom doesn't fit correctly.   Sun replied: "Wait till we get the ISO standard". They boasted that it will fit to any size irrespective of underlying structure.   Well, the customer switched to CondomiX and found that by the time he finishes reading the instructions, given along with CondomiX, his wife was sleeping and he himself forgetting why he is using CondomiX.   Finally he switched to MS-Condom . To his surprise it was so good...and comfortable!. He used it happily.   Three months later he found that his wife was pregnant. He got angry and complained to Microsoft.   He got his reply from Microsoft: . . What do u think is Microsoft's reply...........??? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Thin...

A father passing by his teenage daughter's bedroom was astonished to see the bed was nicely made and everything was neat and tidy. Then he saw an envelope propped up prominently on the centre of the pillow. It was addressed "Dad". With the worst premonition, he opened the envelope and read the letter with trembling hands:- Dear Dad, It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you, but I'm leaving home. I had to elope with my new boyfriend Randy because I wanted to avoid a scene with Mom and you. I've been finding real passion with Randy and he is so nice to me. I know when you meet him you'll like him too - even with all his piercing, tattoos, and motorcycle clothes. But it's not only the passion Dad, I'm pregnant and Randy said that he wants me to have the kid and that we can be very happy together. Even though Randy is much older than me (anyway, 42 isn't so old these days is it?), and has no money, really these thi...

Three golfers are walking down the fairway. "Sixty is the worst age to be," said the 60-year-old, "You always feel like you have to pee. And most of the time nothing happens." "Ah, that's nothing," said the 70-year-old. "When ...

A lovely illustration of God being our JEHOVAH JIREH!!!! During World War II, a US marine was separated from his unit on a Pacific island. The fighting had been intense, and in the smoke and the crossfire he had lost touch with his comrades. Alone in the jungle, he could hear enemy soldiers coming in his direction. Scrambling for cover, he found his way up a high ridge to several small caves in the rock. Quickly he crawled inside one of the caves. Although safe for the moment, he realized that once the enemy soldiers looking for him swept up the ridge, they would quickly search all the caves and he would be killed. As he waited, he prayed, Lord, if it be your will, please protect me. Whatever your will though, I love you and trust you. Amen. After praying, he lay quietly listening to the enemy begin to draw close. He thought, well, I guess the Lord isn't going to help me out of this one. Then he saw a spider begin to build a web over the front of his cave. As he...

  If each grain of sand were to say : One grain does not make a mountain, There would be no land. If each drop of water were to say : One drop does not make an ocean, There would be no sea. If each note of music were to say : Each note does not make a symphony, There would be no melody. If each word were to say : One word does not make a library, There would be no book. If each brick were to say : One brick does not make a wall, There would be no house. If each seed were to say : One seed does not make a field, There would be no harvest. If each of us were to say : ...

At Age 4...... Success is..... Not peeing in your pants At Age 6...... Success is ..... Finding your way home - From school At Age 12.... Success is... Having friends At Age 18.... Success is... Having a driver's license At Age 20..... Success is ... Having money At Age 35..... Success is... Having money At Age 45.....Success is... Having money At Age 55...... Success is... Having money At Age 60.....Success is.... Having money At Age ...

man once visited a temple under construction where he saw a sculptor making an idol of God.     Suddenly he noticed a similar idol lying nearby. Surprised, he asked the sculptor, "Do you need two statues of the same idol?"     "No," said the sculptor without looking up, "We need   only one, but the first one got damaged at the last stage."     The gentleman examined the idol and found no apparent damage. "Where is the damage?" he asked.   "There is a scratch on the nose of the idol." said the sculptor, still busy with his work.     "Where are you going to install the idol?" The sculptor replied that it would be installed on a pillar twenty feet high.     "If the idol is that far, who is going to know that there is a scratch on the nose?" the gentleman asked. The sculptor stopped his work, looked up at the gentleman, smiled and said, "I will know it."  ...

1st yea    r       students of MBBS were attending their 1st anatomy class. They all gathered around the surgery table with a real dead dog. The Professor started class by telling two important qualities as a Doctor. The 1st is that NEVER BE DISGUSTED FOR ANYTHING ABOUT BODY, e.g. He inserted his finger in dog's mouth & on drawing back tasted it in ...

During one of her daily classes a teacher trying to teach good manners Asked her students Teacher : "Michael, if you were on a date having   dinner with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?" Michael: "Just a minute I have to go pee." Teacher: "That would be rude and impolite." Teacher: "What about you Peter, how would you say it?" Peter: "I truly am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom.   I'll be right back." Teacher: "That's better, but it's still not very nice to say the word Bathroom at the dinner table." Teacher: "And you, Little Johnny, can you use your brains for once   And show us your good manners?" Little Johnny: "Darling, may I please be excused for a brief moment?   I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, whom I am Hoping you will get to meet after dinner." The teacher fainted.........

A man wanted to enter an exclusive club but did not know the password that was required. He waited by the door and listened. A club member knocked on the door and the doorman said, "twelve." The member replied, "six" and was let in. A second member came to the door and the doorman said, "six." The member replied, "three" and was let in. The man thought he had heard enough and walked up to the door. The doorman said, "ten" and the man replied, "five." But he was not let in. What should have he said? Come on guys put on your thinking caps & get the solution.... .. ..... ..... ......... Don't keep scrolling... .... think about the answer ....... ........ Ans: - 3 The man had to reply the number of characters in the word the Doorman was asking. He should have replied "Three" instead of "Five".

...three very drunk men stopped a taxi. Seeing as they were too drunk the taxi driver thought he could play around with their intoxicated minds. So he switched on the engine then switched it off. He then turned to the men and said" we have arrived!" the first man thanked him and gave him money for the fare,the second man,did as the first man had done,thanked the driver and paid. The third man slapped stood and slapped the driver, and this shocked the driver. "what was that for?" he asked? :x :> :x ;> :o "next time drive carefully,you almost killed us with that speed," replied the third man.